I can tell anyone the universe has their back. I will try to convince anyone and everyone it will work out, the world is a benevolent place and whatever Gods they care to believe in are on their side. I have been called a “terminal optimist” and I’ll take it. I really DO believe it will all turn out all right.
For everyone except for me.
Welcome to the inner world of an enneatype six.
The great minds of enneagram talk about basic propositions, adaptive strategies and passions. Or, if they are coming at the enneagram from a spiritual background, they talk of holy ideas, virtues and addictions. But those are all inside terms. When I am talking to people who are new to the enneagram, I talk about That Thing.
Everyone has A Thing. That sticking place that makes sense to no one but them. The place where neither forward nor backward is an acceptable direction. The corner we back ourselves into and then panic, even though there are is nothing but wide open space in front of us. It is the axle we get wrapped around.
I think for many sixes, that axle appears in the form of asking for help. Sixes have trouble trusting. At our core, we see the universe as an unpredictable and dangerous place and we don’t trust ourselves to handle what it throws at us. But we don’t fully trust those that might be in a place to help either, not necessarily because they mean us harm or are bad people, but simply because they are part of the larger unpredictable and untrustworthy universe.
I often find myself overwhelmed by a situation I can’t think or plan my way out of but unable to ask for help. I may look calm and in control, but my mind is whipsawing from “This is too much! I can’t handle it myself” to “There is no other way! No one can help me! I have to do this myself!”
Luckily – thanks I think to both maturity and my work with the enneagram – I am learning to trust that at least asking for help won’t put me in more danger. Sometimes it even helps. That’s as much as my inherent six caution will allow me to commit to know.
In all honesty, I have been blown away recently by the gifts that have come my way in the past few years, just because I asked good people for help. And accepted it when it was offered. It would cheapen those gracious acts if I didn’t also learn that help is out there for the asking and the universe is a nurturing, supportive place. Or at least try to learn it.
And so, here it goes one more time.
I am hoping to get into an enneagram teacher training course next month. It’s been my goal to be a certified teacher for a few years now. And this looks to be the time. The training is even in town so I can safe on travel and lodging. The only hold up is the money. Seems churching part-time while looking for other work doesn’t leave a person with a lot of extra income.
Please visit my GoFundMe page. Learn a little more about my story, check out the rewards for various levels of donation. I don’t need much, so small donations mean a lot. Of course, so do big ones, if you are so inclined.
Thank you. Even if you don’t give, thank you for letting me use you to practice letting go and asking for help.